are you ready to date a woke woman?

 image credit: Lila Koan

image credit: Lila Koan

It's no secret that woke women are changing the world

'Woke' describes a woman who is attuned to injustice, particularly related to sexism, and alert to the ways that systems of power and domination - like patriarchy - seek to stifle women's freedom, equity and equality. By rising into our truth as woke women, we are challenging the men in our lives to step into the profound soul work needed to bring deeper harmony among humanity. As we collectively begin to deconstruct our social conditioning into patriarchy, our unraveling into awareness and subsequent shedding of sexist skins open our eyes to the multiple layers and omnipresent manifestations of misogyny as they exist in our day to day lives.

In the words of Allan Johnson, author of The Gender Knot: Unraveling our Patriarchal Legacy, misogyny "is a central part of sexist prejudice and ideology and, as such, is an important basis for the oppression of females in male-dominated societies. Misogyny is manifested in many different ways, from jokes to pornography to violence to the self-contempt women may be taught to feel toward their own bodies." In both subtle and overt ways, misogyny reproduces the norms of patriarchy that estrange us from one another, repress women’s freedom and stifle gender equality, justice, equity and empowerment.

Once a woke woman begins to see, she cannot un-see, and the implications of that seeing are great – affecting our relationships, our experience of society and culture, our own thoughts and behaviors, our willingness to subject ourselves to people and situations still mired in an oppressive paradigm… however waning with the shifting seas of time, as empowered feminist awakenings inspire the possibilities of greater freedom, equity and equality across humanity, and a more complete disavowal of gender injustice in exchange for collective interdependence.

In other words, as woke women rising together and withdrawing our consent to patriarchy in myriad ways, we are creating a brighter future for the world before our very eyes.

And woke men allies willing to do the work of their own unraveling, deconstructing and re-educating of their own sources and senses of being and belonging, open further space for solidarity toward real and present change. This is a wildly revolutionary experience, and the discomfort of such disjuncture cannot be overstated. Which is why many men involved with woke women struggle to recognize and accept their vital role in this transition out of sexist estrangement and toward greater freedom and deeper connection among us all.

For many, this is an unbearable burden, as, in the words of Lakota elder Tiokasin Ghosthorse, “you cannot wake someone who is pretending to be asleep; and you cannot wake someone who is pretending to be awake.”

For courageous men rising to the occasion of your own unraveling and post-patriarchal becoming, here are 5 ways a woke woman will absolutely change your life.

Are you ready?

1. A woke woman will not stand for anything less than absolute equality in your everyday life together. Traditional gender roles no longer apply, and she will be adamant in redefining your day to day reality as a couple based on both partners’ skills and assets, strengths and vulnerabilities, likes and dislikes, desires and needs; and never based on old-paradigm patriarchal standards on what is commonly expected or accepted as her job as a woman, or your job as a man. She will love your affection, your chivalry, your masculine strength and your emotional support, but she will be ruthless in standing in her power as a smart, capable, inspired and creative woman unwilling to make herself smaller to help you feel big, since she is on a mission to reinvent the meaning of interdependence without sacrificing her sense of self-worth. You will notice her voicing her opinion openly and unabashedly to instill values of equity and equality in household chores, conversation dynamics, decisions on money and work, childcare, holistic wellness, conscious partnership and sacred sexuality. She will be compassionate to your emotions as you weather the discomfort of such transformation, but she will not revert to a submissive role as a consequence of your unraveling. If you fail to rise into the standards of equality she demands and deserves, a woke woman will leave.

2. A woke woman will never abandon her dreams to prioritize your life plans or sideline her personal sense of freedom to accommodate your insecurities. She will shower you with love and devotion, as long as your life plans together are mutually supportive of both of your dreams. While she will help inspire you toward reaching your personal goals and put her entire heart into manifesting the vision of your relationship, she is unwavering in her commitment to her own divine purpose and deepest life passions. If realizing your dreams means she would have to sacrifice her own in the process, a woke woman will lovingly walk in the direction of her purpose, even if it means she must walk without you. She could never live with herself knowing she had sacrificed her vision and mission on the planet, for she knows that her dreams and desires are the manifestation of her soul’s work on Earth, and she needs someone by her side willing to support her plans as a shared journey of both passion and purpose. Similarly, she will not abandon her empowered essence of selfhood to conform to the smaller version of herself that may help you feel less insecure. She is magnetic by nature, speaks her mind and wears the clothes that make her feel beautiful from the inside-out, regardless of whether it attracts a crowd or makes people feel uncomfortable. She is confident in her own skin, and will not accommodate your insecurities by changing the way she carries herself, connects with others, speaks her truth or lives in her own integrity. She will empathize with your insecurity, while knowing it is neither her fault nor her responsibility to heal.

3. A woke woman will help you become acutely aware of the ways you have been socially conditioned into perpetuating and reproducing norms of toxic masculinity, sexism and misogyny, both overt and discreet, and she will not allow you to hide behind your otherwise comfortable veils of unconscious sexist behavior in underhanded jokes, comments or actions. She does this not to criticize, hurt, blame, judge or shame you for your shortcomings, but rather as a means of supporting your conscious awakening and evolution as a woke man ally in broadening women’s empowerment and freedom while contributing to a more just, loving and equitable world for all of us to enjoy. She knows that your social education into toxic masculinity is painful for both men and women, and she sympathizes with the challenges you face as a man in reinventing a more conscious expression of your masculine strengths, while you open into the messy process of facing your human vulnerabilities that society has taught you not to feel. She also recognizes the fears and insecurities inherent in the imploding of your personal identity as you unravel and re-learn what it means to be a woke man, and she does not take lightly her role as your confidant, mentor, lover and friend. She will encourage you to connect with other like-minded men as a support base for your process, while holding similar emotional space for your deconstruction and integration. As a woke woman, she is powerfully attuned to the subtleties of misogyny in ways that you might otherwise overlook as normal or inevitable, and she will be your greatest teacher in the process of unraveling as you step into the highest calling of your manhood: negotiating your personal power in awareness of your male privilege towards becoming an ally and advocate for women’s empowerment, new-paradigm masculinities and conscious relationships based on interdependence, connection, love and solidarity.

4. A woke woman will challenge the limits of your comfort zone. Well-practiced in the art of non-conformity, she will push the boundaries of accepted social norms and gendered behaviors in ways that may make you feel wildly uncomfortable as you confront the limits of your own repressed humanity. Her wildness is both attractive and formidable, and it forces you to slay your own dragons as a means of awakening into your personal freedom as a man breaking down the barriers of your own imprisoned soul. Expect scintillating conversations and perhaps even explorations into the unchartered realms of polyamory, open relationships, fluid and sacred sexualities, plant medicine, ritual ceremonies, transformational festivals, spiritual practices, alternative lifestyles and communal living arrangements. A woke woman is willing to entertain the possibility of diversity and difference as you explore together the avenues for growth and evolution beyond the confines of static masculinity and default heteronormativity. Often taboo subjects for many men conditioned into mainstream masculinity, these explorations are sure to make you blush and may even force you to question the very foundations of your deep-seated beliefs on sexuality, partnership, lifestyle and masculine identity as you step out of your comfort zone and into Pandora’s Box of possibility.

5. A woke woman will not degrade herself to fulfill your pornographically misogynistic sexual fantasies. Instead, she will encourage you to explore the patriarchal origins of your sexual desires as a means of acknowledging the ways in which your sexuality has been colonized by seemingly accepted dynamics of pornographic misogyny that are regularly oppressive, offensive and degrading to women everywhere. She will support you in deconstructing the domineering, masochistic and addictive foundations of your sexual fantasies as you explore new avenues for profound emotional intimacy and sacred sexual connection beyond the misogynous representations of pornographic styles of sex you have been taught and brainwashed to desire. You may have to rise into the occasion of becoming more attuned to your emotions and energies as a basis for intimacy and sexual connection. A woke woman will be unabashedly wild in her desires, and she will need a man willing and able to support her in the powerful expression of her divine sexuality. For many men, this is a frighteningly tall order.

Dating a woke woman is no easy-breezy walk in the park. But for the brave-of-spirit souls ready to embark upon a profoundly transformative path of conscious evolution, a woke woman will undoubtedly catalyze your journey into new paradigm living beyond the strangling confines of misogyny and toxic masculinity. Standing in the infinite power of her unapologetic truth, a woke woman will support you toward becoming the woke man this world needs you to be. And she will love you unconditionally as you traverse together these revolutionary seas of change.